The Fear Of Falling Apart
by this-book-has-been-loved
Summary: What if the reason Lance is so angry at Matt not because he's jealous over the whole Allura thing, but because he's afraid of being replaced?


As much as he wanted to, Matt couldn't stay with team Voltron.

He was an officer with the rebel alliance that he had joined after they'd rescued him. And even though he wanted nothing more than to stay in the castle on Olkarion with his sister, he knew that he had a responsibility to fulfill.

"I'll contact the rest of our alliance," he promised, as the team met by his podship to see him off. "Let them know about the coalition."

"Thanks, Matt," Shiro told him. "It's good to have you on the team."

"Happy to help," Matt replied. "I'm really glad we found each other." He pointed at Pidge, his voice taking on a mock stern tone. "Alright. You know how to get in contact with me?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. Got your new transponder code. And you know how to find us?"

"Olkarion's coordinates are saved to my podship's navigational system," he confirmed. He paused for a moment, then scooped his little sister up into a bear hug, making her shriek in alarm. "I'm gonna miss you!"

Pidge laughed. "You gotta come back and visit, okay? As often as you can."

"Oh, you bet!" he exclaimed, setting her back down. "There's no way I'm just leaving you out here in the care of _this guy_ ," he said, jerking a thumb at Shiro.

Shiro rolled his eyes, and Pidge laughed again.

"Oh!" Matt added "And I wanna get a closer look at the dynotherms next time," he added. "I've _gotta_ figure out how those things work."

"I know!" Hunk enthused. "If we could find a way to reverse engineer those—"

"—it could revolutionize modern Earth technology," Pidge finished.

Lance crossed his arms, his brow furrowing. "The dino-whats?"

Pidge frowned. "They're like…." She waved her hands vaguely. "God, I don't even know how to describe them."

"Heat/power transfer things?" Hunk suggested.

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Coran started. "You see, when the castle generates excess heat—"

Coran launched into another one of his long rambling explanations, Hunk and Pidge and Matt listening in rapt fascination. Lance's smile tightened, and he scuffed his toe against the ground.

Matt shook his head, smiling. "Amazing. I'm gonna need you to send me the piece-by-piece breakdown of that."

"The technology on this castle is truly a work of art," Hunk agreed. "The dynatherms, the teludav, the quintessential power…."

"Not to mention," Pidge added—

"—the quantum entanglement!" all three of them shouted in unison.

"Yep," Lance muttered. "I'm lost."

Allura laughed lightly behind her hand. "I'm glad you enjoyed your time at the castle with us," she said. "You're more than welcome to come back whenever you please."

Matt grinned. "I'll be sure to do so."

He wrapped Pidge in a tight embrace, pulled Shiro into a quick one-armed hug, high-fived Hunk, then presented Allura and Coran with an exaggerated bow, before finally outstretching his hand to Lance. After a second, Lance accepted the handshake.

"Well," Matt said, climbing inside his podship, "you guys have fun with your, like, tour or whatever."

"Later, dork," Pidge called.

"See you, nerd."

And the podship took off.

"Man, Pidge," Hunk said. "Your brother's so cool."

"Yeah," Pidge agreed with a smile. "He really is."

* * *

It was a few weeks before they saw him again.

And though those weeks were a bit…odd, to say the least, they fell back into their natural routine. It was strange without Keith there, and Pidge seemed to be in a happier mood than they'd seen in a while. But for a bit, Lance started to feel like things were going back to normal.

Then Shiro had told them the plan for Naxela.

Suddenly, everything around the castle got hectic. Matt had kept his word in alerting the rest of the rebel alliance; batches of block-shaped podships were landing by the castle on Olkarion, ready to join them in their upcoming battle.

And among them was Matt's.

Lance was with Pidge when it entered the atmosphere. They were out of uniform for once, taking a walk around the Olkari's city, weaving easily amongst the planet's citizens. And Lance was reveling in how relaxing it was to be in the middle of a bustling crowd, how nice it was to spend time with his friend, how much he enjoyed just talking with her, reminded of their first trip to the Space Mall.

Pidge recognized Matt's ship the moment it arrived. Or maybe it had been the Green Lion, and she'd only picked up on it over the mental relay. But whichever the case, her eyes lit up and she gasped in delight, grabbing Lance by the wrist and pulling him after her as she went racing towards the rows of ships lined up in front of the castle.

When they were in sight of Matt's pod, she dropped Lance's hand, and picked up her speed. Lance slowed to a calmer pace, sauntering along after her, his hands tucked in his jacket pockets.

Matt waved at them from his ship, a huge smile on his face. "Pidge!" he called, holding open his arms.

She ran towards him, jumping into his hug. "Matt! I've missed you!"

"Pidge, it's so good to see y—wait, _are you wearing my clothes?_ "

"Um." She smiled sheepishly. "Maybe?"

He shook his head, biting back a laugh. "Jeez, you little gremlin." He set her down, ruffling her hair. He glanced over at Lance and held out his hand for a handshake. "Hey, man."

"Hey," Lance replied. "Welcome back."

"Thanks. How have you guys been?"

Lance and Pidge shared a look. "It's uh," Pidge started, "it's been…a bit weird?"

Matt smirked. "Yeah, I caught part of one your live shows." And both the paladins flushed bright red. "Broadcasted strongly enough that I could get it at my listening outpost," he continued. "I really liked the ice skating. And the cardboard Voltron? Amazing."

Pidge elbowed him. "That," she muttered, "was not my idea."

Matt laughed. "Hey, I liked it! Think I could get a recording of the full show?"

"No," Pidge said firmly. "Absolutely not."

Her brother put a hand to his chest dramatically. "You wound me," he said. "I just wanted record of my baby sister's acting debut, so I could keep these treasured memories—"

She shoved him, laughing. "Shut up, loser."

"Well," Lance interjected with a awkward smile. "I'm sure you guys want to, like, catch up or whatever, so I'm just gonna…." He gestured off to the side, pointing vaguely towards the castle. "Yeah. I'll, uh, I'll catch you later."

He was gone before either of them could say anything, and Pidge sighed.

Matt furrowed his brow, staring after him. "Is he okay?"

"Not really. But he won't tell us what's wrong."

"You've tried asking him about it?"

"He just brushes it off," Pidge replied. "Tells us that he's fine. When we can definitely tell that he's not." She shook her head. "I don't think he realizes just how _loud_ he is."

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Loud?"

"Yeah. In the mind thing." She waved her hands vaguely around her head. "He's just so loud, it's impossible not to pick up on it." She frowned, crossing her arms. "Hunk's tried asking him about it a couple times, but he wouldn't say anything. And I don't know if he'd really want to tell anyone else; cuz, like, if he doesn't want to talk to Hunk, then who else would he talk to? I mean, Hunk's the living embodiment of a hug. Not to mention he's, like, Lance's best friend?"

Matt frowned. "Maybe you should try talking to him."

"I don't think he's gonna wanna talk to me," she murmured. "I'm not exactly the best with people. Plus, I was…kind of a jerk to him back at the Garrison."

Matt paused, thinking. "You want me to talk to him?" he offered.

Pidge glanced at him in confusion. "He barely knows you."

"Well, sometimes it's easier to talk about stuff with someone you don't really know," Matt replied with a shrug. "Can talk about things without there being any pre-conceived notions in the way."

Pidge sighed. "I'll see what I can get from him," she decided. "And if that doesn't work, then you can try. Later, though." Her face broke into a tentative smile, and she took her brother by the hand. "Come on. let's go find Shiro and let him know you're here."

* * *

It took longer than she'd wanted to finally find a free moment to talk to him.

After the fight for Naxela had ended, there was Lotor to deal with. And with those meetings going, between Lotor and Voltron and the Blade and the rebel groups, none of them had gotten much—if any—free time.

So it wasn't until a day or two later that she finally went out looking for Lance. When she found him, he was playing video games, sequestered away in that little back room, the only light coming from the display screen.

"Hey," she greeted, slipping through the door. "Is it okay if I join you?"

"Uh, sure," he replied hesitantly, and she sat down next to him. "Where's Matt?"

"With Shiro," she answered, picking up the second controller.

"Oh."

She gave him an odd look. "What?"

"Nothing," he assured her. "I just. Kinda assumed you'd want to be spending time with him."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I like spending time with you too," she reminded him. "You're my _friend_ , Lance."

He rolled his eyes. At the push of a button on his controller, the game reverted to the menu, and the jingle for _Killbot Phantasm One_ played on the screen. "Tagteam or PVP?"

"Tagteam," she replied, and the game started.

They played a few rounds in comfortable silence. It wasn't until they had their first Game Over that she finally brought up what it was that she had wanted to talk to him about. She pressed the mute button, and the menu screen played silently before them. "Hey, Lance?"

"Hm?"

"Do you remember that time back at the Garrison? On my dad's birthday. When you and Hunk saw that I was feeling down, and came over to talk to me, and then you wouldn't stop pestering me until I told you what was wrong?"

Lance winced, already able to tell where this was going. "Yeah?"

"This is me returning the favor."

He sighed. "Pidge, you really don't need to—"

"Lance, I'm gonna be honest with you here. There is _clearly_ something bothering you."

"I'm fine—"

"We can _feel_ it, Lance. We can all feel it. It's really obvious that you just haven't been feeling like yourself recently. There's definitely something wrong." When he was quiet, she pressed on. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," she told him. "Talk to Hunk. Or Coran, or Shiro. Hell, even Keith. Just promise me you'll talk to _someone_."

He was silent for a long time. "It's stupid," he muttered.

"If it's how you're feeling, then it's not stupid."

He sighed. "It feels weird to say this to you."

"You don't have to tell me—"

"But of all people, _you_ deserve to know."

He fell quiet again, and Pidge waited.

After a long moment, he took a deep breath. "Pidge, you're one of my best friends. Honestly, you and Hunk are the best friends I've _ever_ had," he told her. "And I know that things back at the Garrison were always kinda awkward and stuff, and we never really talked or hung out that much. But, like, I really enjoyed spending time with you, ya know?" He was waving his hands wildly, his voice periodically raising in pitch and in speed. He stared straight ahead, at the muted game screen, refusing to meet her eyes. "So like. We get out here. And it's crazy! Everything's just been turned on its head and nothing really makes sense. And I miss my home. I miss my brother and my sisters and my cousins. And even though our situations are a bit different, you missed your family just as much." He ran a hand through his hair. "And it kinda felt like we were filling in for each other, right? I mean. I definitely think of you like a sister. But then Matt showed up," he mumbled. "And now your _real_ brother was here. And he and Hunk just clicked instantly. So suddenly you guys were off hanging out with Matt. And I just felt sorta. I dunno. Left out? Alone?" He let out a dry laugh. "Jealous?"

Pidge was quiet for a moment, processing. "You're jealous of Matt."

"Yeah," he muttered, sighing. "It feels stupid to say it out loud. But yeah. I'm jealous of Matt." He paused for a second, before he turned towards her, his eyes wide. "And don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for you!" he hastened to assure her. "I'm so glad that you found him, and that he's okay, and that he's back. I'm glad he's here, honestly."

"It's okay, Lance."

"Or maybe it's more like…." He paused, grasping for words. "It feels like you don't need me anymore? I mean. He's your _brother_. And he's Shiro's friend. And he and Hunk got along instantly. And apparently he even knew _Keith_ back at the Garrison. And maybe you all like him better than me and there's not really a point to me staying—"

"Stop," Pidge interrupted, and Lance was startled to see tear marks tracing down her cheeks. "Just shut up. Don't you dare say something like that." She took a shaky breath, then reached out to take his hand. "You mean the world to me, Lance," she whispered.

Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around her, and she clung to his shirt. They sat that way for a while, tangled in each other's embrace, relishing in each other's presence.

Pidge wasn't sure how much time it had been before she pulled away. "Okay," she said, breathing in deeply. "Lance? I was kind of a horrible person to you back at the Garrison. I was a jerk. And I never really appreciated you or Hunk like I should have—"

"Pidge—"

"And I owe you an apology," she insisted. "You guys were always so nice to me; and yeah, it was kind of annoying and overbearing. But _god_ , did it make me feel a bit closer to home." She took his hand again, squeezing. "You're my best friend, Lance," she told him. "And finding Matt hasn't changed my feelings about you at all."

He sighed. "I know."

"Talk to him?" she requested. "I've told you how much you remind me of him. I swear, you guys are gonna get along great, if you just _talk_ to each other." She poked his side playfully. "The ultimate older brother duo."

His face broke into a smile, and he chuckled. "Yeah, okay. But. Later?"

"Later," she agreed. "Right now I need to kick your ass in _Killbot Phantasm One_. Get ready, McClain, we're PVP-ing this shit."

And he laughed, picking his controlled back up from off the floor. "Time for some friendships to be ruined."

"We share custody of a cow, Lance. I don't think anything can get between us at this point."

He snorted. "Yeah," he agreed. "Alright." He smirked, cracking his knuckles. "You're going down."

* * *

"Talk to Lance."

Matt glanced over to the bridge's door, watching as his sister walked inside. He winced sympathetically. "I take it your team bonding didn't go so well?"

"No, it went great," she replied matter-of-factly. "And now it's your turn."

Shiro, the only other one in the room, looked at her in relieved shock. "You got him to talk to you?"

"Mm-hmm," she murmured, nonchalant. "Last night. It was good, I think he got a lot out of his system."

"And…," Matt said slowly, making sure he was understanding her properly, "…you want me to talk to him?"

She nodded. "He has something he needs to say to you."

Matt frowned. "Okay," he said warily. "Right now?"

"No," Pidge replied. "Just. Give him some time. I don't think he's ready just yet."

"Yeah," Matt said, exchanging a confused look with Shiro. "Okay. Sure thing, Pidge."

It wasn't until a day or two later that Matt finally found himself knocking on Lance's door. At Lance's call of assent, the door slid open. "Hey, man," Matt greeted. "Got a minute?"

"Matt," Lance said in surprise. "Hey. Hi. Uh, hi. Come in?"

He was sitting on his bed, and Matt sat down a few feet away from him. "Pidge said you wanted to talk to me…?"

Lance blinked, his eyes wide, before his expression melted into one of resigned annoyance. "Of course she did."

Matt let out a long exhale. "Do you want me to go?"

Lance leaned back against the wall, covering his face with his hands. "No," he mumbled. "She's right." He took a deep breath, paused, then let out a breathless laugh. "But now that we're here, I don't even know where to start."

"Okay," Matt said after a moment. "How 'bout I start?" At Lance's wordless shrug, he continued. "It's clear that you and Pidge are really close. And I'd like to thank you for that."

Lance lowered his hands. "Thank me?"

"Pidge has never really had the best time making friends," Matt told him. "She's always had trouble with that. And I have never seen her as close with _anyone_ as she is with you guys. So, yes. Thank you."

The tension that had been building up in Lance's body started to dissipate, and Lance began to relax. "I have four sisters," he said, "back home. And a whole lot of cousins. I'm used to being part of a big family." He paused. "Mari is about the same age as her," he mused. "Fifteen?"

"Mm."

"Point is," Lance continued, "she's like a sister to me. Which is kinda weird to say since you're, like, her _actual_ brother. But yeah."

"I really appreciate that," Matt said. "You, like, looking out for her and stuff. I'm glad she has someone like you in her life."

Lance smiled softly. "She really means a lot to me."

"I'm glad that _someone_ is here to fill the role of overprotective older brother when I'm not around."

Lance snorted. "Don't worry, man; Pidge seems to have hit the jackpot in overprotective older brothers. I think the count's up to five now."

Matt laughed. "Knowing her, though, that still won't be enough to keep her out of trouble."

"Probably not," Lance agreed.

They fell into comfortable silence, and Lance felt a wave of relief pass through him.

"So," Matt said after a minute. "What crazy shit have you guys been getting into out here?" he asked with a grin. "I mean, besides the obvious stuff."

Lance exhaled. "God, where do I even start?" he said with a laugh. "I mean, we, like, share custody of a cow, or whatever—"

"Yeah, okay, where the hell did the cow come from?"

Lance chuckled dryly. "It's a long story."

"I've got time."

He paused, then relaxed, a smile creeping across his face. "Okay, see, it all started when we needed to get new teludav lenses…."

* * *

 **AN** :

Lance and Matt end up making an extremely intricate and overly complicated best friends handshake that takes over a minute to execute. This is canon. Fight me.

So the night after season 4 came out, my roommate and I were just sorta chilling and getting ready for bed. Then out of nowhere, at like 2am, my roommate says, "What if the reason Lance is so angry at Matt is not because he's jealous over the whole Allura thing, but because he's afraid of being replaced?"  
I literally started yelling at them (and almost cried tbh), and they were just laughing.  
So yeah, you can blame Seifert for this one.

Pidge and Lance and Matt are my top 3 fave characters, and in fact have been since the very first season (I didn't think I could be any more Matt trash than I already was, and then season 4 happened and I just ended up even deeper in the Matt Holt trash can). So. These friendships are just very important to me.

I'm sorry this fic is so late. I ended up being really busy on Thursday night, so I didn't get around to finishing it quite on time .  
But better late than never, right?  
(And of course, cuz I'm posting day 5's fic on day 7, day 7's fic is gonna be a bit late. I'll try to have it out sometime tomorrow, but no promises.)

Thanks for reading! You guys are the best.

As always, please feel free to come say hi to me on Tumblr (this-book-has-been-loved) or the Platonic VLD Discord server (NHYrCz5)

~Brigit

(PS: This fic included a brief reference to an earlier fic of mine, Peanut Butter Cookies, so please feel free to check that out)


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